To matter is one of the sole reasons why people often seek validation from others. It is why most individuals constantly worry about what others think and whether or not they fit the bill. But in reality, this hunger for approval is what turns people into people-pleasers, not just in workspaces but also in friendships and family settings, said Nandini Garg, Counselling Psychologist, WARI (Wellbeing Action and Research Initiative). Speaking with the OnlyMyHealth team, she shared how seeking validation can prove harmful in the long run and discussed some of the ways to stop being concerned.
Impact On Your Mental Well-Being
It may sound bizarre, but receiving approval from others can indeed activate the reward centre in our brain, causing an increase in emotions similar to receiving a valued object, according to a study published in the journal Current Biology.
However, on the contrary, seeking validation or approval from others can push people to a fate of extremities, said Garg. This either includes too much caring (which is toxic) or not caring at all (which can be counterintuitive to self-growth), she added.
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In addition, it can lead to several mental health concerns in the long term, which include:
Increased Stress and Anxiety
When you seek validation from others, your self-worth starts to depend on their approval. Moreover, the fear of disapproval and disagreements is so high that it can lead to increased stress and anxiety in some people, according to Garg, who refers to it as "fear of judgement and uncertainty."
Decision Paralysis
Another negative effect of worrying about people's thoughts is decision paralysis, which means being unable to choose a path for oneself. In the long run, this can contribute to the bag of regret, said Garg.
Strained Relationships
Seeking help and demanding excessive reassurance are two different things in a relationship. When one fails to draw a line between the two, it might create a dynamic where others feel pressured by the thought of providing approval, leading to resentment and frustration.
Moreover, it might push a person to conform to other people's instructions and expectations, thereby losing one's sense of self and authenticity.
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Ways To Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of You
“To stop stressing about what others think is to accept that people will have judgements that you can’t control,” said Garg, adding that the key is to strike a balance between how much and how little we bend for someone’s sake. Here are some ways to do the same:
Accept that nobody is perfect and value your own opinions and judgements
- Develop your own sense of self
- Set realistic expectations for yourself and others
- Be kind to yourself
- Build confidence
- Create a space of self-acceptance by surrounding yourself with supportive people
- Practise mindfulness
- Seek therapy
Conclusion
Constantly seeking approval can negatively impact your authenticity, lead to stress, and limit personal growth. Therefore, it is important to focus on building your self-confidence, embracing your values, and prioritising your own approval over external validation. This can be achieved by practising mindfulness, being accepting of who you are, and allowing yourself to make mistakes.