People are often shy and hesitant to express their sexual desires with their partner. More so, during intimacy. We often get caught into the trap of thinking whether your partner would end up hurt, or uncomfortable, or whether they might judge you. And, with the fear of that judgement, we end up not telling them what hurt, or what we liked, or what we would have liked. And in that process, intimacy at times may feel uncomfortable for one or both the partners. So, how important is communication during sex? And if it is, how can you start?a Let us find out:
Importance Of Sexual Communication:
Dr Shridhar Sharma, Sexologist, ACE Clinic, Hyderabad says that while just communicating consent is a positive step, clear communication about sexual activity is much more than answering 'yes' or 'no.' “It is about helping one another understand in detail the other's desires, needs, and wants. You might communicate whether or not foreplay features in sexual activities, whether there is interest in sex toys, and if so, which ones. You may also share your sexual fantasies if you are comfortable doing so. Sexual communication does not always have to be verbal communication though. You could express your needs with gestures and actions too,” Dr Sharma says. A 2022 study complements Dr Sharma’s statement most couples who struggle with intimacy and bonding lack sexual communication. However the study adds that the communication need not always be verbal.
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Tips For Improving Sexual Communication
Dr Sharma enlists three simple tips for you to excel at communication during sex.
Break The Glass Ceiling Early Into The Relationship
“It is important to form a rapport with your partner as early into the relationship as possible. The longer we wait the harder it gets. It is easier said than done, and for most people, it is the most vulnerable part of their life, and speaking at the time may feel awkward at first, but communication again is the key here. The more you communicate, the closer you would feel to your partner at an emotional level too”.
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Be Confident
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“An important consideration in sexual communication is to stay confident and patient and not dwell on criticism or frustration. Communicating about sexual activity can be really uncomfortable for many people, but the communication aspect is important to help both people receive the information to assist in agreeing to engage in sexual activity together. One has to be to be patient, supportive, and encouraging and part of this is due to sexual activity may not be spontaneous and may require more time for proper positioning, and finding the "sweet spots" that may help partners orgasm and more importantly it may require a to be mentally secure and communication goes a long way.”
Timing Is The Key Here
“It may feel more natural to talk about sex just before or just after you've had it, but speaking in the heat of the moment, without clothes on, may make you feel vulnerable. Instead, make time away from the bedroom, at a time when you're not rushed.
This doesn't apply when it comes to talking about your sexual fantasies though - you might as well do this while you're already aroused. When you're aroused, your disgust response decreases, so your partner may be more receptive to what you're saying. Start with something that will give you both a laugh - maybe a standup video, a rom-com, some wine or really anything that gets you into the mood.”
Bottomline
Intimacy is a complicated subject and often takes months, if not years to establish a certain level of compatibility with your partner. Communication is the key though. If they know what you want and you know what they want the process might end up being a smooth journey.