Emotional intimacy is the most crucial aspect of any relationship, especially romantic relationships. However, not all of us receive the same upbringing or undergo similar life circumstances that can foster the capacity for emotional vulnerability or availability.
There can be several reasons for a person to be emotionally unavailable towards their partner. To understand these reasons and ways for a partner to deal with them, the OnlyMyHealth team spoke to Shivani R Rawal, MA, Counselling Psychologist, Dr Indu’s New Born and Childcare Centre.
Why Is Your Partner Emotionally Unavailable?
Sometimes we can blame ourselves for our partner being emotionally distant. However, Rawal suggested, “If emotional intimacy is challenging for your partner, it is not because of your behaviour, but from covert threats within them.” She listed:
Low Self-Esteem
If your partner holds back their emotions, it could probably be because they do not believe their authentic self is worthy or deserves love. Someone who is not confident in themselves finds it hard to believe that anyone else would desire closeness with them.
Fear Of Rejection
A past trauma of rejection or abandonment can make it difficult for a person to open up and connect with someone on a deeper emotional level.
Trust Issues
Chronic distrust impacts how people view themselves or their relationships. It may impede a deep emotional connection by making it difficult to open up and express vulnerabilities fully.
Childhood Trauma
Being neglected as a child also plays a significant role in the fear of emotional intimacy. It can cause people to become hyper-independent and act distant.
Anxiety Or Personality Disorder
Lastly, dealing with an anxiety disorder or a personality disorder can also be the cause of your partner’s emotional unavailability. It makes a person behave differently from societal norms making it hard for them to develop closeness in romantic relationships.
How To Be Emotionally Available For Your Partner?
Rawal suggested that relationships can only flourish if a deep emotional connection can be fostered between the partners. She suggested some helpful tips:
- Open Communication: Make it a habit to regularly discuss your feelings, thoughts, fears and dreams with your partner. Be honest and clear about your needs and embrace vulnerability.
- Active Listening: Be an active listener. Learn to engage with your partner without getting distracted. Ask open-ended questions to give your partner a sense that you are interested in knowing about them and genuinely care about their feelings.
- Quality Time: Pencil in time for activities that both of you enjoy. This can foster intimacy by helping you understand your partner more deeply.
- Empathy: If your partner is going through challenging times, be there for them. Show understanding, provide comfort, and come up with solutions instead of invalidating their feelings.
- Maintaining Physical Intimacy: Physical affection like hugs, cuddles, holding hands, and kisses foster a sense of closeness that enhances emotional intimacy.
While these strategies can enhance emotional intimacy, if the problem persists and seems unsolvable, you need to explore further with a therapist or mental health professional. Addressing the root of your partner’s fear of emotional intimacy can help both of you gain a deeper understanding that can serve as the foundation for a healthy relationship.