In modern parenting, a subtle yet pernicious style of psychological manipulation has taken root, casting long shadows on family interactions. Gaslighting, which was traditionally only connected with romantic relationships, has permeated parent-child interactions, changing the very base of trust and emotional growth. Parents, intentionally or unintentionally gaslight their kids which in the long run impacts their children’s psychological health. In order to understand more about parental gaslighting and its different forms, we spoke to Dr Chandni Tugnait is a Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder & Director - Gateway of Healing. Keep reading to read her expert comments.
Parental Gaslighting: The Unintentional Gaslighter
While most parents aim to provide caring surroundings, the constraints of modern life, along with unresolved personal concerns, can result in inadvertent gaslighting. These habits frequently originate from good intentions, as parents try to protect their children from unpleasant realities or maintain the appearance of a flawless family life.
“Parental gaslighting is seldom malicious. It is frequently a defensive technique, a way for parents to avoid confronting their own flaws or the complexity of raising a child in today's world,” quotes Dr Tugnait.
Also Read: Expert Shares Tips For Raising A Responsible Child
Forms of parental gaslighting
Dr Tugnait shares three forms that are listed below:
Emotional Invalidation: Emotional invalidation is one of the most common forms of gaslighting in parenting. When a child shares feelings that make a parent uncomfortable, the parent may reject or reframe the child's situation. "You're not really angry; you're just tired," or "Don't be silly, there's nothing to be afraid of," are popular refrains that, while appearing benign, can undermine a child's emotional intelligence and self-esteem.
Projection of unfulfilled ambitions: Another adverse form of gaslighting occurs when parents project their own unfulfilled dreams onto their children. Parents who live vicariously through their children may shape reality to fit their chosen narrative. A child who expresses disinterest in a particular activity might be told, "But you love soccer! You're just having a bad day."
The social media amplifier: The rise of social media has worsened the problem, creating a pressure cooker of perfectionism. Parents, motivated by the desire to project an idealised family image, may gaslight their children into conforming to this controlled reality. Children are sometimes made to feel ungrateful or defective for not conforming to the joyful family narrative that their parents provide online.
Also Read: Parenting Anxious Children and How To Support A Child Dealing With Anxiety
Long-term effects of parental gaslighting on kids
According to Dr Tugnait , “The long-term consequences of parental gaslighting can be severe. Children raised in such environments frequently experience self-doubt, have trouble trusting their own observations and may develop anxiety or despair. In severe circumstances, people may become vulnerable to manipulative relationships in adulthood after internalising the concept that their reality is flexible and subject to others' views.”
Watch this video:
Breaking the cycle
Breaking the cycle needs a paradigm shift in our approach to parenting. "Reality-affirming parenting" is a method that emphasises emotional affirmation and promotes open communication regarding family relationships. This strategy entails carefully listening to children's viewpoints, admitting parental mistakes, and providing safe settings for honest expression of feelings and experiences.
“Addressing gaslighting in parenting is not about assigning blame. It's about acknowledging that even well-intentioned parents can fall into these patterns and offering tools for change. Family therapists are increasingly incorporating mindfulness techniques and emotional literacy training into their work with parents, which helps them become more aware of their own triggers and prejudices,” concludes Dr Tugnait.
The path forward
As we navigate the intricacies of raising the next generation, it is critical to shed light on the subtle ways we may be warping our children's reality. By creating environments of emotional honesty and mutual respect, we may break the cycle of gaslighting and teach our children to trust their own views, building resilience and true self-expression in an increasingly complex world.