How To Spot A Faux Feminist In A Relationship

When feminism was conceptualised during the 19th century, it was the battle of equality. However, in today’s world, feminism is sort of a claim that many ventures after to embark on a journey that shows power or exhibits a status.

Vani Malik
Written by: Vani MalikPublished at: Aug 02, 2019
How To Spot A Faux Feminist In A Relationship

Women rose together to demand justice in the quality of life, profession and to present their opinions in public spaces. It started when women demanded the right to vote or pursue a profession. In a nutshell, we can safely say actions backed the feminism and not merely words as credible women were fighting their ways to become a successful doctor or a lawyer, and so on. Feminism was the point of being heard. However, in today’s world, women and men have lost out on the true essence of what can be regarded as feminism and exhibit toxic traits that are bad for personal development, interpersonal relationships and the society at large. These are what one calls as ‘Faux Feminists’. 

Spotting The Faux Feminist

Before we jump into the concept of a faux feminist, let us take a look at the traits of a real feminist. However, one thing should be kept in mind that a feminist is not a perfect person and should be allowed breathing space to commit errors like everyone else. 

A feminist is someone who believes in equal chances to be provided to those who deserve and not based on their gender. If implored, this can branch out to men as well as women. For instance, in the case of office promotions, the aspect of may the best person should win must be mandatory. A real feminist will look up the credibility of the employees in focus and nothing else. 

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A faux feminist will incline towards the lady even though the gentleman was more deserving. Many don’t realise it, but faux feminism leads to misogyny, eventually ending up as a vicious cycle with no openings to speak of.

Relationships too bear the brunt of faux feminism as lies and unfairness loom at the surface, overshadowing the basic affection for the partner

Such behaviour rises from the way a child is raised. If he/she was raised in a strict matriarchal household, chances are he/she will grow up unaware of the concept of balance and embrace the idea of controlling or being controlled. The patriarchal family will turn away from the idea of women empowerment, and therefore, children of such houses do not believe in the concept of feminism at all.

So, how do you spot a faux feminist? Some of the evident traits are:

Traits to control: Control is essential to a faux feminist. Consider it as a baton of power which yields command and superiority above the others. A faux feminist is unable to step down on a situation even though it is required and will fight tooth and nail, to prove a point and righteousness. This is the first step to creating negativity.

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Have an internal dialogue of should or must: It is said that a person who thinks is right, is the easiest to fool. Faux feminist undertakes an internal rant where they convince themselves that they are right. Instead of being in the moment, they are caught up with the concepts of ‘musts and shoulds’. Moreover, it is straightforward to fool such people by simply agreeing with their definitions and takes on life. 

Blaming game or blemish: This can be considered the next step after the need to control. One can only manage a person or a situation so much. Upon the losing control, the faux feminist will usually resort to a blame game where they will be quick to point out that “if in my control, things would have been better”.  A highly unhealthy trait, this blame game is known to break personal as well as professional relationships, rendering the person incompetent and inflexible.

Too much ownership or lack of accountability when things go out of control: To prove a point, faux feminists cross the lines of what they can do and they can’t, ending up with a load that they can’t carry. However, the need to blame is super strong, which eventually leads to a lack of accountability, which labels them as irresponsible. This trait is especially toxic when it comes to relationships with their partner, family or friends. 

(With inputs from Dr Paras, Life-leadership coach and Founder of the Mattrix)

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