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There's nothing more empowering than women standing up for themselves, narrating their experience of when they were at their lowest, and sharing how they rose above it all; more so when the conversations are difficult and less explored in society. Neelakshi Singh (@plumptopretty for Instagrammers), a full-time professor, a part-time body positive content creator, and a plus-size model, is one such inspiring personality. Known for her strong take on body positivity, she prides on and preaches the fact that beauty can be of any size and shape. But this confidence did not come easy to the influencer. From battling bullying to struggling with Bulimia to tackling self-doubt and guilt, she overcame several challenges to become who she is today.
In an exclusive interaction with Only My Health, Neelakshi opens up about her journey so far.
A Look Back At How It All Started
It all began in the eighth grade, when Neelakshi faced a lot of bullying. She said, “It wasn’t because of weight per se, but I was under a lot of peer pressure. For instance, if my friends did not submit their homework, I was pressured to do the same. I was the kind of person who would be a nerd but was scared to be called a nerd. I would deliberately not write the right answers, leave out a lot of stuff, and that’s where it all began.”
During those troubled times, she found solace in food. She loved food, but again, she was afraid of gaining weight. “We had swimming and horse-riding classes that demanded a certain level of physical agility. I loved food, but I couldn’t eat enough because I was afraid of gaining weight and letting it all show. I was so hesitant and therefore, I would eat, but I would throw it all out,” she added.
For a girl in her pubescent years, it was difficult to realise then that she was suffering from Bulimia, an eating disorder. What’s unfortunate was that it went on for two long years.
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Nishtha Jain, Counselling Psychologist at Lissun, describes eating disorder as a complex and potentially life-threatening mental health condition characterised by abnormal eating behaviours and a distorted perception of one's body shape or weight. In addition, the expert explained that bulimia is when people engage in episodes of binge eating followed by compensatory behaviours like excessive exercising or forced vomiting.
The symptoms of eating disorders can vary depending on the specific type of disorder, but there are some common signs and behaviours to look out for. Nishtha said, “Common symptoms associated with eating disorders might include drastic weight changes, distorted body image, obsession with calories/dieting, body checking and avoidance, and excessive exercising.”
How A Neighbourhood Aunty Helped
A ray of hope is all we need during challenging times. For Neelakshi, it was a neighbourhood aunty who came to her rescue.
She said, “She was one of those adults who never questioned what I was doing. I would go to her house, talk to her, and there were times when the only thing I would do is go under her bed and lie there for hours. My mum told me to go out and play and all I would do is go to her house and lie under her bed.”
It all continued until Neelakshi was in her tenth grade. When things started to get out of hand, her neighbourhood aunty decided to talk to her mother and that’s when her parents showed her to a doctor and recognised what she was going through.
The Trigger
According to Neelakshi, her struggles with eating disorder had a lot to do with her mental space. While she has learnt to control her eating habits, she tends to fall back into it.
‘Guilt’ she says is the biggest trigger. “It seeps through and you don’t even realise it until you actually have it for a continuous ten days. That said, 2020 was a very crucial time for me because I had done a reality TV show. We were shooting for 16-18 hours on set and the eating hours were completely rash. So whatever we got was like a one-time meal. In between the shots, I would just go and puke my guts out,” she said, adding that the biggest trigger was guilt.
The Biggest Challenge Was To Find A Right Doctor
“The biggest issue for me has been finding a doctor who would not make everything about my weight. Whether a gynaecologist or someone just treating my cold, everything boils down to my weight. At least one should try and examine me, get a diagnosis, and then reach a conclusion. My experience with the first two doctors was really bad. They told me to work out and said that everything will be fine,” she said.
Fortunately, her parents recognised her need for a specialist and took her to the right doctor, who diagnosed her condition at the right time and recommended the necessary therapy.
Also Read: Anorexia Nervosa: Eating Disorder Causes And Symptoms
What Helps?
Maintaining a virtual diary, listing down everything she eats in a day, and trying to point out her moods with it is what helps Neelakshi keep her eating disorder in check. She records each food with an emotion, which is why when she consumes it, it assures her that it is okay and that she can work it out. She acknowledges that her coping mechanism, which involves eating and burning it out, can be damaging for some, but she says it is what works for her and keeps her guilt in check.
“While individuals with eating disorders have a lopsided relationship with food, it is important to remember that it can be managed. Psychotherapy is the most essential part of regulating eating disorders. Strategies that can be used alongside are - find someone you can trust and talk to them or join support groups, create an eating schedule, practice mindfulness, and most importantly be compassionate to yourself,” Nishtha Jain said.
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My Best Friend, My Greatest Cheerleader
Even with so much turmoil, Neelakshi has become a sensation and a renowned internet personality. This was all because of her best friend, who she met during the last year of her college. “He was very encouraging of the fact that I should document my journey. We started seeing a lot of YouTube videos together and that’s when we decided to start vlogging. I started something called ‘Plump to Pretty’ and it has been an ongoing process,” she narrated.
The Role Of Communication
Neelakshi believes that communication is of utmost importance. But she is also of the opinion that facts should not be twisted and exaggerated for one’s own benefit.
“Today, we’re more self-aware, people are talking about eating disorders more openly in the world or on social media; it’s not just fluff talk nowadays. But it has also become a topic where people can exaggerate and get away with it. I am not dismissing the fact that everybody can face the issue, but I do feel very conflicted. Being a professor, I see millennials and GenZ being okay with not doing things. They don’t show up to class and equate it to their mental health. But it’s again not something you can negate, as it is prevalent. So communication is important, but it cannot be weaponized in a way that it is used against doing something,” she said.
In addition, Neelakshi emphasises on having conversations not just with one’s own generation, but also with those who belong to a different generation. “A lot of the time, your parents are burdened with the thought of what the society will say. But who is the society? We are and therefore, we all must take a collective responsibility of changing the world,” she concluded.