Are You Your Own Red Flag? Expert Shares Signs and Patterns To Look Out For

Have you ever felt like you’re standing in your own way, sabotaging your happiness or success? Self-sabotage is a pattern of thoughts and behaviours that can prevent you from reaching your goals, whether in relationships, career, or personal growth. It often stems from fear, low self-esteem, or past experiences. An expert explains how certain habits and thought patterns can make you your own 'red flag. Recognising these signs is the first step toward breaking free from self-defeating behaviours and creating a healthier, more fulfilling life. Read ahead to explore the common patterns of self-sabotage and how to overcome them.

Signs You Might Be Your Own Red Flag

 

 

 

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Gayathri Arvind, Founder and Managing Director, Abhasa, Coimbatore, identifies several self-sabotaging patterns that could indicate you’re holding yourself back:

Negative Self-Talk:

“Every time an opportunity comes, your brain says, ‘I’m not good enough,’ or ‘I’ll fail,’ so you stop trying altogether,” says Gayathri. This constant self-doubt can prevent you from taking risks or pursuing new opportunities.

Staying in Toxic Relationships:

You know you deserve better but stay because change feels scarier than being stuck. This fear of the unknown keeps you trapped in unhealthy dynamics.

Overthinking Decisions:

Overanalysing every choice leads to missed opportunities as you take too long to act.

Breaking Your Own Boundaries:

You promise yourself not to repeat certain behaviours but keep falling into the same patterns.

Prioritising Others Over Yourself:

Constantly putting others’ needs first leaves you drained and neglecting your own well-being.

Fear of Rejection:

Avoiding new experiences or challenges because rejection feels unbearable.

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A Study on Self-Sabotage

A study published in The Journal of Behavioral Psychology found that self-sabotage often stems from low self-esteem and fear of failure. Researchers discovered that individuals who engage in self-defeating behaviours are more likely to procrastinate, avoid responsibilities, and struggle with decision-making. The study also highlighted that these patterns are often unconscious but can be changed through self-awareness and intentional action. Techniques like cognitive restructuring (changing negative thought patterns) and exposure therapy (facing fears gradually) were shown to help individuals break free from these cycles.

How To Break Free From Such Patterns

Gayathri Arvind offers practical strategies to overcome these behaviours:

Challenge Negative Self-Talk:

Replace thoughts like “I’ll fail” with “I’ll learn.” Gayathri explains, “Your brain believes what you repeat, so changing the narrative weakens self-doubt.”

Rewire Fear of Change:

Start small by adopting one new habit or making one bold decision at a time. Confidence builds through consistent action.

Set Boundaries for Yourself and Others:

“Stop breaking promises you make to yourself,” advises Gayathri. Stick to commitments like avoiding toxic people or prioritizing your needs.

Reprogram Your Reward System:

Train your brain to focus on wins instead of failures by listing three things you did well each day.

Expose Yourself to Rejection:

Practice micro-rejections by applying for jobs, asking for help, or trying something new to desensitise fear.

Small Steps Lead to Big Changes

Breaking free from self-sabotage doesn’t happen overnight but starts with small steps:

• Practice self-compassion instead of harsh criticism when things go wrong.
• Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage growth.
• Seek professional help if needed; therapy can provide tools for overcoming deep-rooted patterns.

Gayathri reminds us: “You are not your past patterns—you can change.”

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Conclusion

Recognising that you might be your own red flag is an empowering step toward personal growth. By identifying self-sabotaging behaviours like negative self-talk, fear of rejection, or overthinking decisions, you can start making intentional changes to break free from these cycles. As the expert highlights, rewiring your brain through small actions—like setting boundaries and focusing on wins—can lead to big shifts over time. Remember, change is possible, and you deserve a better version of yourself!