Self-Care or Self-Sabotage? The Difference Between Rest and Avoidance

In today’s fast-paced, burnout-driven world, self-care has become a buzzword. From cosy binge-watch nights to bubble baths and journaling, we’re encouraged to pause and recharge. However, what happens when those pauses become patterns of procrastination or emotional escape? According to experts, that’s where self-sabotage quietly comes in, disguised as self-care.

Authentic self-care works to care for your body, mind, and soul. Self-sabotage, on the other hand, might be comfortable in the moment, but ultimately stops you from developing and achieving. Therefore, knowing the thin line between the two is necessary for true healing, equilibrium, and better mental health.

What Exactly Is Self-Care?

In an exclusive interaction with the editorial team of Onlymyhealth, our expert, Dr Pooja Pillai, Consultant – Physician, Aster CMI Hospital, Bengaluru, explained that self-care is any intentional action you take to improve or preserve your well-being, happiness, and health. It's about maintaining your boundaries, saying no, and doing what keeps you running well, and not doing what's a quick pleasure. She highlighted that self-care might include:

• Taking a walk to clear your head.
• Saying no when you're too busy.
• Eating healthy foods and getting enough sleep.
• Looking for therapy or journaling to work through emotions.

In short, self-care is all about investing in yourself so you can be present for life, being rested, focused, and emotionally stable.

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What Is Self-Sabotage (And Why It Feels So Comforting)?

“Self-sabotage occurs when your behaviour, sometimes unconsciously, gets in the way of your own success or happiness,” Dr Pillai said. It may look like:

• Taking a break that devolves into dodging responsibilities.
• Missing workouts because you need rest, but feeling bad about it later.
• Purposely delaying a crucial task due to perfectionism or fear.

“It usually arises from fear of failure, self-doubt, or seeking comfort. Self-sabotage can take the shape of self-care, because both may include resting, saying no, or pulling back. Where they diverge is in intent and consequence,” she added.

Rest Vs. Avoidance: How To Know the Difference

Dr Pillai also explained the thin line between rest and avoidance, and the differences between them. Here is how she puts it:

1. Monitor your energy afterwards

Real rest makes you feel refreshed and renewed. Avoidance makes you worried, guilty, or depleted.

2. Ask: "Is this helping me long-term?"

If the pause facilitates your healing and equips you to proceed with clarity, it's rest. If it hinders forward motion or brings in fresh stress, it's avoidance.

3. Notice patterns

The occasional lazy day is human. But if you're constantly fleeing from tasks under the guise of self-care, it's time to reflect.

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How To Practice Healthy Self-Care

Here are a few expert-approved healthy ways you can practice self-care:

• Be purposeful: Select activities of self-care that support your goals and values, not temporary comfort.
• Set limits: Practice saying no without guilt, but also take responsibility when needed.
• Listen to your body and mind: Some days require motion, others rest. Listen and act truthfully.
• Check in regularly: Journaling or self-reflection can help you catch avoidance patterns early.

Bottomline

Self-care is supposed to empower you, not hold you back. Sleep when you need to, but take care not to confuse avoidance with healing. Proper self-care occasionally requires doing the tough stuff: establishing boundaries, tolerating discomfort, and taking ownership of your growth.