Stranger Anxiety in Children: Expert Shares Causes, and Confidence-Building Strategies

It's common for babies to cling to their parents tightly when a distant aunt tries to pick them up, or for them to suddenly hide behind their parents' legs when a neighbour says hello. This behaviour in children is known as stranger anxiety and represents a normal phase in the development of infants and young children. However, while it might be normal, many parents start to become concerned when their child becomes unduly fearful, withdrawn, or distressed around new people.

We talked to Divya Reddy, Clinical Psychologist, Fortis Hospital, Bannerghatta Road, Bengaluru, who helped us understand the causes and shared effective confidence-building strategies to understand why stranger anxiety happens and how parents can support their children through it. 

What is Stranger Anxiety?

According to Science Direct, stranger anxiety typically starts at six to nine months and can continue until the age of two or three. It is the stage at which babies begin to distinguish between familiar and unfamiliar faces. Their increasing awareness reflects when they are suddenly wary of people they don't recognise.

"Stranger anxiety is basically a good sign of healthy attachment. It means your child has developed a very strong emotional bond with their immediate caregivers. They react to perceived unfamiliarity with wariness or fear,” Divya explained.

Why Does Stranger Anxiety Happen?

Divya also explained that there are various reasons contributing to this phase in children. These include:

1. Brain Development

With age the baby's visual memory starts to sharpen and they start remembering faces they see and encounter frequently. A person outside this circle may feel threatening to them since the brain is still learning to differentiate.

2. Separation Awareness

Around this age, babies also develop separation anxiety, which is a fear of being separated from one's primary caregiver. When both coincide, unfamiliar people feel like a risk of separation.

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3. Temperament

Some children have just a more sensitive disposition. They may be slow to warm up, more observant, or cautious by nature, which makes them anxious when they see a new, unfamiliar face.

4. Environment and Overstimulation

Crowded places, sudden noises, or too many new faces at once can overwhelm a child, heightening their anxiety.

5. Past Experiences

If a child relates strangers to feelings of discomfort, such as loud voices or forced interaction, it encourages fear, which shows up in future contact with strangers.

Confidence-Building Strategies for Children with Stranger Anxiety

According to Divya, the job of parents is to help children gradually feel at ease around new people. Forcing them to just go or insisting on interactions only serves to increase the fear. Here are her recommended strategies:

1. Offer Reassurance Without Pressure

Hold your child close when new people come around. “Your calm presence tells them that the situation is a safe one,” said Divya. If they don’t want to be held by someone unfamiliar, respect that boundary.

2. Let Them Observe First

Give your child time to study a new person from a safe distance. Often children take several minutes to become acquainted before they feel comfortable enough to interact.

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3. Utilise Gradual Exposure

Introduce your child to new people in low-stress environments, starting with short but positive interactions and gradually increasing comfort levels.

4. Model Sociability

Children learn by observing. Greet people warmly, smile, and show positive body language. When they see you being friendly, they begin to feel safer doing the same.

5. Validate Their Feelings

Don't shrug their fear off by telling them not to be silly or shy. Instead validate it with words like, ‘I know new people can feel scary, but I'm right here with you,’ Divya suggested.

6. Create Predictability

If visitors are expected, prepare your child ahead of time by explaining who is coming and showing pictures or talking about them. Predictability will help reduce their anxiety.

7. Encourage Independence Through Play

Games like hide-and-seek, exploration play, and problem-solving activities help in building confidence and reducing clinginess with time. This will also help your child to enjoy their own and others’ company.

While stranger anxiety is normal, Divya highlighted that (if) in extreme cases, the child remains fearful beyond age three, refuses all interaction, or shows signs of developmental delays, it may require a professional assessment.

Bottomline

Stranger anxiety is a normal developmental stage, not a defect. With patience and reassurance, along with gentle exposure, parents can help their children develop into confident, socially adaptable individuals.