On Being a Single Father
- Single father has to play roles of both mother and father
- Most difficult for single father is lack of emotional connection
- Father can instill virtues
- Single father needs to bond well with the child
Sigmund Freud had written, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection”. Without whom an entire episode of human life cannot fore play its colours and contours. Without the guidance of a father a man can never rise as a man and a woman can never fall in love all the same.
Father, as one must know is the pillar that guides you, a machine like thing with a heart of gold, a man who taught us generosity, who taught us to be strong. Being a single father is a strange game to play. Children have different needs at different ages; they are in need of a mother mostly. A father has to play out both these roles for them. From Hollywood heavy weights like Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx to Bollywood hunk Rahul Dev, many fathers have had and still do have the life of a single father. The most difficult part of being a single father is the lack of emotional connection with the children. A father can feed, he can play, he can clean but at some point in time he cannot give in to emotional needs of his child.
A father wants a whole different range of things for his child in contrast to a mother. A father is usually the one to instil virtues, who makes his child understand the world and be brave. A mother on the other hand is someone who is careful about every step her child takes, she cries out every time her child cries and is concerned if he has eaten well or slept on time. A single father needs to be both of this. He needs to create a special bond with his child and make him or her feel loved to the best of his ability. But he must also earn money and make a good living for the young one and so it gets difficult to make strike a balance.
There are two different games here; one is if you are a divorced father and two if you have lost your partner. While the first one can be a little difficult because the question about custody and all the various issues set in, the second one is simple but equally difficult or may seem a little more difficult. In the first one the child should be kept happy at all times, because he or she is bound to be confused about the entire divorce episode. The second one is like the calm after the storm, and a long episode of father and son/daughter time. Do not ever fall down upon your knees in front of them, whether you belong to the first category or the second. No matter how hurt you are, you are the one your child believes in.
The concept of single fatherhood can be difficult as shuffling between day jobs and child care can be irksome. And then the longing for a lover, the feeling of being lonely is always haunting. One of the best solutions is to send your kids to reputed boarding schools so that you can do your work freely and they grow up to be sharp young men and women. But always remember to visit them often, write letters and don’t walk in to school with some new beau if you get any. Talk to your kids if you have any plans of marrying again. The mantra is tonever, ever neglect them.
Life is strange in itself, true. But when you watch your own kids standing in front of you, all you can really do is feel a sense of reverence and thank the almighty for this gift. Learn to cherish this gift and let it grow into an extraordinary piece of human being. That’s your creation, that’s your child.
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Source: Onlymyhealth editorial team May 04, 2018
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