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The internet has been abuzz over Self-help YouTuber Wizard Liz’s announcement that her fiancé, Landon Nickerson, had cheated on her while she was four months pregnant. Millions follow Liz across social media platforms; she is particularly revered among younger women and is often seen advocating for confidence, boundaries, and emotional growth. The incident has sparked a huge debate online over trust and betrayal in modern relationships. The argument being, if such a cultural phenomenon could be cheated on, how do you know for sure you are safe? And in case you aren't, what do you do?
A New Definition of Infidelity:
Anjali Gursahaney, a Counselling Psychologist and an ICF Leadership & Happiness Coach, believes that in order to deal with infidelity we have to understand its definition in today’s context. “Infidelity is no longer just physical: emotional, digital, and even “micro-cheating” (e.g., secret flirting, liking suggestive posts, private DMs) are now recognized forms of cheating in monogamous relationships. There’s greater awareness around emotional intimacy, polyamory, and digital boundaries, which all impact how cheating is defined today,” she says.
The Effect of Pop Culture Break Ups:
Relationships that unravel in public often have a negative reaction within a society. The whole thing then becomes more about the ‘drama’ than the emotions of the people involved. They distort relationship expectations: We may develop unrealistic ideas about healing, loyalty, or justice. Essentially, influencers like Liz become mirrors of the society and we may tend to project our own experiences and insecurities onto them, sometimes validating or triggering their own emotions. But the problem with that is people push themselves to pick a ‘side’, as if the reality exists in a binary. We have to understand that relationships and people are complex. The most important thing we have to remember is to distinguish between your own truth and public noise. If someone important got cheated on, that doesn’t mean you would too. We have to recognize social media as a highlight reel: most couples’ problems (or resolutions) aren’t visible online. Anjali stresses that we have to start viewing anyone’s life on social media as ‘filtered’ and not as an absolute truth.
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Also Read: What Makes a Relationship Work? Exploring How ‘Mate Value Compensation’ Shapes Who We Choose
How to Deal with Infidelity
A few things to know to deal with modern relationships and infidelity coming from our expert :
1. Separate Noise from the Truth
The first thing to do is to pause, reflect and ground yourself. There is no need for an immediate reaction. Take a deep breath and let it sink in.
Anjali says, ‘one has to also set immediate boundaries. This includes physical space, communication limits, or social media distance.One cannot hope to get closure by talking to the person who is responsible for the hurt. One often falls in that trap, where we chase answers where there aren't any needed.’
2. Acceptance
‘One more important aspect is acceptance,’ says Anjali. Begin by naming the emotions you are feeling clearly. Betrayal, grief, shame, rage, confusion, all are valid and may come in waves. We have to understand that ‘infidelity’ was not about us. It was a choice someone else made and it had nothing to do with your shortcomings or worth. You cannot rush closure, acceptance is a slow unfolding process; not a one-time decision taken in a hurry.
3. Don't Seek Revenge
Being betrayed by your partner can induce rage. In your furious state, your first instinct may be to punish your mate by trash-talking him to friends (or worse, on social media), or thinking about having an affair yourself to get even. You may get a temporary sense of satisfaction from these sorts of actions, but ultimately they can work against you, keeping you in a state of anger instead of focusing on healing and moving on, alone or together.
Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do—leave or stay.
“But nobody else really can understand what goes on in another person's relationship outside of you and them. While you are pondering how you're going to proceed, it's best to keep the details private,” Anjali adds.
4. Be Practical
If you suspect that the affair will most likely lead to the end of your relationship, give some thought to practical matters, such as where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, and, if you have kids, the type of custody arrangement you want. You may also want to consider asking your partner to be tested for STDs and to get yourself tested as well if you have had sex during or after the affair.
5. Take It One Day at a Time
Infedility is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn't always mean it's the end. Anajli believes that when you work through the aftermath over time, it becomes clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life, together or apart, can begin.
6. Seek Counseling
Don't try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your relationship, it's wise to talk to a couples counselor, who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened.“You do not need to go through the process alone. It can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Seek therapy or at the very least, talk to a loved one,” says Anjali.