Do Narcissists Experience Empathy Differently? Expert Insights

Encountering narcissists is a common experience for many of us in different phases of life—whether it’s a narcissistic senior or partner. Such experiences often leave us reflecting deeply, questioning whether these individuals can genuinely feel empathy or experience raw emotions without being callous and manipulative. Another thing to consider is that while our perceptions of a narcissist may differ based on personal experiences, certain primary commonalities take precedence and create a common ground. 

While the question of narcissists experiencing empathy lingers around, let’s understand the nuances of the same through the lens of an expert that we at OnlyMyHealth contacted, Dr Sreystha Beppari (PhD), MSc - Applied Psychology, PhD - Psychology, Psychologist, Apollo Clinic, Pune.

Also Read: Reasons We Fall for Narcissists

Who Is A Narcissist?

Several people are often labelled as narcissists. From a public perspective and according to some experts, US President Donald Trump, Kim Kardashian, and Gordon Ramsay are among the famous personalities who have exhibited narcissistic traits. Narcissism is a personality trait that exists in mild variations among individuals. However, when it reaches an extreme, it morphs into a personality disorder. Clinically, according to the DSM-5-TR, narcissistic personality disorder is characterised by nine specific traits.

1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance and superiority.
2. A strong and inherent need for constant validation and admiration.
3. Tendency to manipulate or take advantage of others in relationships.
4. Limited or absent capacity for empathy.
5. Difficulty coping with criticism, leading to a fragile sense of identity.
6. Struggles with forming deep emotional connections or attachments.
7. Feelings of emptiness or depression when not receiving attention or approval.
8. A belief in having special privileges or deserving preferential treatment.
9. Perceiving others as envious or experiencing envy toward others.

The Empathy Question

Corroborating the aforementioned, Dr Beppari says, “Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy towards others. However, they can display that selectively, often a self-serving one. They struggle with emotional empathy but can possess cognitive empathy. This means they can understand what others are feeling, which helps them to manipulate or charm people. But they are typically not concerned or motivated to show kindness.”

Types Of Narcissists; How Do They Experience Empathy?

According to Dr Beppari, there are typically two types of narcissists and this is how they experience empathy.

Grandiose Narcissists

They lack emotional empathy and don’t feel the pain, sadness, or joy of others deeply. This makes them insensitive towards others. They have very high self-confidence. They are attention seekers and lack concern for what others feel.

Vulnerable Narcissists

They are selectively empathetic, which means their feelings are guided by their needs. If they perceive others' emotions as validating their self-worth, they will respond. They are sensitive to criticism, feel insecure and have fluctuating self-esteem. The empathy of a narcissist is mixed with their  insecurity. If the situation becomes too challenging, they tend to either withdraw or react defensively.

Also Read: Mental Health: Impact of Negativity on Your Brain Health

How Does A Narcissist Typically Show Empathy?

Dr Beppari shares a few ways a narcissist may show empathy and elucidates the same. 

Mirroring

They will mirror the other person's behaviour which makes the person believe that the narcissist is impacted by their pain or happiness. However, in reality, this behaviour is often superficial, aimed at building trust to manipulate others for their benefit.

Selective Empathy

When a narcissist needs to get something out of a person or in a relationship, they will tend to be caring and nurturing only till it aligns with their personal needs.

Grandiose Empathy

One of the manipulative techniques often used by narcissists is to display an exaggerated amount of empathy which will create an impression of being extremely compassionate, caring and understanding. People often fall prey to this gesture without realising that it is a typical way to garner admiration and control.

Conditional Empathy

Narcissistic empathy is often conditional, which means it depends on how the other person is making them feel. If their needs are not met, a narcissist can withdraw sympathy immediately.

Putting An End To This Dilemma 

While narcissists may exhibit empathy, it is often selective, superficial, or conditional, driven by their own needs rather than genuine concern for others. Whether through mirroring behaviours or exaggerated displays of compassion, their empathetic gestures tend to serve a purpose; either to manipulate or to seek admiration.

Dr Beppari emphasises that relying on a narcissist’s empathy can lead to disappointment, as their actions are ultimately rooted in self-interest. Recognising these patterns can help individuals protect themselves emotionally and set boundaries when dealing with narcissistic personalities!