Legendary music composer AR Rahman and his wife, Saira, have announced their decision to part ways after 29 years of marriage. The news came through a statement issued by their lawyer, Vandana Shah, highlighting the emotional toll their relationship had endured. The couple expressed their sorrow and requested privacy during this challenging period. As the world reflects on their journey, it’s also an opportunity to understand how to navigate the complexities of separation and divorce.
A Relationship That Withstood Decades
In a heartfelt statement shared by their legal representative, the couple acknowledged the significant strain on their relationship that led to this decision. "Despite their deep love for each other," the statement read, "the tensions and difficulties have created an insurmountable gap between them." The decision was described as arising out of “pain and agony.”
Rahman shared his reflections on social media, expressing regret over not reaching their “grand thirty” anniversary. “Even the throne of God might tremble at the weight of broken hearts. Yet, in this shattering, we seek meaning, though the pieces may not find their place again,” he wrote, seeking understanding and compassion from friends and fans alike.
“We had hoped to reach the grand thirty, but all things, it seems, carry an unseen end. Even the throne of God might tremble at the weight of broken hearts. Yet, in this shattering, we seek meaning, though the pieces may not find their place again. To our friends, thank you for…
— A.R.Rahman (@arrahman) November 19, 2024
While the Rahmans have asked for privacy during this difficult time, the impact of separation can resonate deeply, leading to challenges like adjustment disorder. Let’s explore what adjustment disorder entails and how one can cope post-separation.
Understanding Adjustment Disorder
Adjustment disorder is a psychological condition that arises as a response to significant stress or trauma, such as the end of a long-term relationship or marriage. It manifests through heightened emotional or behavioral reactions that disrupt daily functioning. As per Dr Kedar Tilwe, Consultant Psychiatrist, Fortis Hospital, Mulund & Hiranandani Hospital, Vashi – A Fortis Network Hospital, common symptoms include:
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- Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness.
- Heightened anxiety or agitation.
- Difficulty concentrating on tasks.
- Physical symptoms like headaches or insomnia.
- Impulsive or reckless behaviour.
The condition varies in intensity depending on the individual's emotional resilience and the significance of the stressor. While symptoms often subside within six months, the initial period can feel overwhelming.
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Coping Strategies for Adjustment Disorder Post-Separation
Separation, especially after decades of togetherness, can be a profoundly life-altering event. Navigating the emotional turbulence requires a structured approach to healing and rediscovery.
Acknowledge and Process Emotions
Suppressing emotions can intensify stress. Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions—grief, anger, relief, or even guilt. Journaling, talking to a close friend, or engaging in creative outlets can help articulate these feelings.
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Seek Professional Support
Psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), is effective in addressing adjustment disorders. Therapists can provide tools to manage emotional responses, develop coping mechanisms, and regain control over life. Group therapy or support groups can also offer a sense of community, reminding individuals they are not alone in their struggles.
Practice Self-Care
Physical and emotional self-care is crucial during this period. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and regular exercise can mitigate stress. Mindfulness practices like yoga and meditation can also help reduce anxiety and improve emotional stability.
Set Boundaries and Prioritize Privacy
As AR Rahman and Saira requested privacy during their separation, it’s essential to set boundaries with friends, family, and even social media. Taking time to process without external pressure can provide clarity and reduce emotional strain.
Rediscover Personal Identity
After years in a shared life, rediscovering your individuality can be liberating. Pursue hobbies, revisit passions, or learn new skills. Rebuilding your sense of self can be a cornerstone of recovery.
Triggers and How to Manage Them
Triggers are reminders of past events that can evoke strong emotional responses. Post-separation, these might include photos, songs, or even mutual friends. Recognizing your triggers and gradually desensitizing yourself to them through therapy can help in recovery. Strategies to manage triggers include:
- Creating New Memories: Replace old associations with positive new experiences.
- Mindfulness Techniques: Grounding exercises can help manage immediate emotional responses.
- Avoidance, When Necessary: While complete avoidance isn’t always possible, reducing exposure to triggers in the early stages can provide relief.
The Road Ahead
As AR Rahman poignantly noted, “In this shattering, we seek meaning.” Separation, while painful, can also be an opportunity for growth, healing, and transformation. Adjustment disorder is a temporary challenge, and with the right strategies, individuals can emerge stronger and more self-aware.
The Rahmans’ journey reminds us that even amidst heartbreak, there is a path forward. Respecting their privacy and focusing on our own resilience can serve as a powerful reminder of the human capacity to adapt and thrive.