Manipulation is the essence of human existence, but that does not excuse bad manipulation, which can be severely damaging personally as well as professionally.
The essence of human character is manipulation. We have all got to be manipulative in our respective areas of interest to get something or somewhere that we want. And, that is healthy. Well, theoretically manipulation can be good and bad. And while good manipulation doesn’t harm, bad manipulation can be severely damaging, both personally as well as professionally. Here is how you can identify manipulative people.
They turn your words to their benefit
The classic sign of a manipulator is him having a troublesome time taking or accepting responsibility for their behavior. For example, if you ever turn them on a fault of theirs, they will turn it back around to make you feel guilty or bad. They would throw words around that would be worse than an apology because instead of making you feel better, you end up feeling bad about even confronting them.
What you should do: Do not let them get away with their passiveness. You must demand an apology at once and of course, a change in behavior.
They control you by sending you to guilt trips
A manipulator will be very sweet until they know your emotional Achilles heel, which they will then use against you to make you feel like a hound dog. They will always act victim and make it look like you are having a gala time at their expense. If you are kind-hearted, they will especially serve you ladlefuls of guilt and empathy.
What you should do: If something you decided did not sit well with them, you must remind them that they are adults who can perfectly cope with whatever decision you took. Do not give in to their sympathy demands.
They say things which they later deny
A manipulative person will say yes to your request or be even very open to making a commitment to you, but when the time comes to really follow through, they may conveniently forget that they ever said anything. Because you couldn’t have recorded what they said, there is no way that you prove it. So, it ends up being your baby memory against their lies. A manipulator is excellent at rewording a conversation that you may have had with them in the past to suit their needs and make you look like you are demanding or downright ridiculous.
What you should do: Start to record or write down what they had said. Better still, do it in front of them so they know they cannot pull their leg out later come what may. This may make the manipulator angry and he may question your trust, but doing it will only help you.
They belittle your problems
A manipulator would always tell you about their problems and if you intervene and attempt a discussion on how you have been going through something bad, they will take cue and stress how they are dealing with worse situation/s. And if you turn the tables to make them realize what they are doing, they will be hell bent on making you feel pitiful and selfish. They will never acknowledge how they were being narcissistic or reframe the conversation around your situation.
What you should do:Well, there is not much that you can do in a situation where someone is trampling over your problems. The only thing you can do is find someone who is more caring and compassionate.
They suck everyone’s energy
Manipulators want to be noticed wherever they go. They want to make sure that when they walk into a room full of people, everyone knows it and notices if they are angry, discontented or unhappy. They want to be asked if they are okay, which if someone does, they consider as an opening to feed off other’s energies.
What you should do: If there is anything you can do to stop manipulators from demanding attention, it is to leave the room. Not only are you sending them a message across that you have little sympathy for them, but you are also saving yourself from being drained off your energy.
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