Is your lover Commitment Phobic

So you have been going around for while and things seem extremely rosy between you both. However, before you start thinking of hennaed hands and wedding shehnais, maybe you should seriously ask yourself if the love of your life is not commitment p

Editorial Team
DatingWritten by: Editorial TeamPublished at: Feb 04, 2011
Is your lover Commitment Phobic

So you have been going around for while and things seem extremely rosy between you both. However, before you start thinking of hennaed hands and wedding shehnais, maybe you should seriously ask yourself if the love of your life is not commitment phobic. Of course, need we add, take this quiz only if you are ready for the complete truth…. 


1. Your lover's longest past relationship lasted…


a) 0-3 months.

b) 6 months to a year.

c) A year or more.

d) This is his/ her first special relationship.  


2. You both are invited to your lover's best friend's engagement party. Your lover…


a) Takes it very normally and concentrates on getting the couple a nice present.

b) Makes a face and a roll of the eyes as another friend bites the dust.

c) Gives the friend a smile and congratulations, but tells you privately that he/she's concerned about whether the friend chose the right person.

d) Bursts into tears of joy.  


3. When you both talk about what you will be doing in your free time together, you discuss…


a) A holiday to a romantic destination.

b) Your honeymoon.

c) The evening's plans, because you both have crazy schedules anyway.

d) You don't discuss programmes, you just wait for him/ her to call you and let you know what the programme is next. 


4. How long did you both see each other casually before deciding to go steady…?


a) We are still seeing each other casually and it's been six months.

b) We have just started seeing each other.

c) We have always been going steady.

d) We went out for a couple of months before we decided to go steady. 


5. You both have just planned a combined party together. Your lover…


a) Invites his/her whole gang of friends.

b) Invites his/ her old flames.

c) Invites friends and family too.

d) Invites one or two people and doesn't seem too keen on the party anyway. 


6. Has your lover ever cheated on you?


a) You don't think so, but you have your suspicions.

b) Never! Your lover is too sensitive to do that.

c) Your lover is a very very monogamous kind of person.

d) Yes, once, but you both kissed and made up after that. 


7. You ask your lover what he/ she would like for their birthday, which is still six months off.


a) He/ she has a list already drawn up for this birthday and your first anniversary together too.

b) He/she assures you, that you will be told when the time comes nearer to the date.

c) He/ she shrugs and says, "It's difficult to even think beyond this month."

d) He/ she feels it's too far off to be discussed. 


8. A typical thing your lover would say…


a) Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.

b) I like you, but my career/family comes first.

c) Variety is the spice of life.

d) I will love you till eternity. 


9. Your lover's favourite romantic movie is…


a) A James Bond flick.

b) A Yash Chopra melodrama.

c) A slick Shah Rukh Khan starrer.

d) Something like Titanic. 


10. You know about ______ % of your lover's past and present life?


a) 25%

b) 50%

c) 10%

d) 100% 


Say your 'good-byes' now: 140 points and above: Your lover is probably a butterfly, flitting from flower to flower, person to person, rather than settling down anywhere. If you enjoy the rollercoaster ride this relationship entails then by all means go ahead. However, don't expect any steady commitments here. This person is terrified of making a commitment and gets bored very easily. If you too dislike too much bonding in a relationship, then you should be happy together, but if you are looking for something lasting then this is not the relationship for you. Love strategy: Hold on to your heart and head. 


This one is running scared: between 70 and 140 points: Your lover seems to be concentrating on other stuff right now.  Though not exactly commitment phobic, your lover is not into making a major commitment right now. Maybe it is a family or career that needs your lover's attention. Whatever the case, your lover is not in the mood to make any firm commitments. Yet, they do wish to get something from this relationship. Console yourself that after whatever priority figures in your lover's life, you are probably the next one. If you are not averse to playing second fiddle this relationship should eventually unravel itself.

Love strategy: Keep a lot of nice books, chocolates and sympathetic friends handy. Whether you stay in this relationship or eventually break off, you will need them.


Developing potential: between 35 and 70 points: Your lover has almost made up his/her mind. You are definitely the person for him or her and a commitment or proposal is probably on the cards. This is a normal, down to earth relationship, and your lover has a very healthy attitude to love and commitment. You can safely look forward to a long-term relationship or even marriage. This is what it all is eventually leading to. However due to being practical, your lover might only make that firm commitment when the time is right. So keep the eternal promises within reach; they are going to be materializing soon, if they haven't already.Love strategy: As the famous poet said, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness." You have a committed person here, don't get too over-possessive.


Almost at the altar: below 35 points: Hey! Haven't you both already planned your wedding date yet? I mean you both seem to have reached an agreement that you will get married no matter what. Your lover is completely into you, and this could be the love of your life, if it isn't already. In fact, commitment is the first thing on your lover's mind. Your lover is a bit emotionally clingy and will be the one demanding commitment from you, rather than vice versa. Do be warned however, that your lover is very emotional and will require lots of love, cuddles, hugs and attention. But, then we all get what we deserve don't we?Love strategy: Buy a common paging system so that your over-committed lover can constantly stay in touch with you.


S. No.  A B C D 


1.        20 10  5   0

2.        5 20 10  0

3.        5   0 10 20

4.        20 10   0   5

5.        5 20  0 10

6.        10    5  0 20

7.        0   520 10

8.        0 10 5 20

9.        20 0 10 5

10.      10 5 20 0