Not feeling the fire

By  , Midday
Dec 31, 2010

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Every couple suffers periods of asexuality. We crack the code and tell you how to get things up and running again


So, lately, your bed feels like a sore snore-spot. Don't press the panic button just yet there might be nothing wrong with your libido or hers, except for the fact that you need to take a little more care when it comes to the physical plane. Asexuality or sexlessness doesn't mean no sex. It only stands for a period where one or both partners may show complete apathy towards bodily bonding, and the reasons for this are many. And oh, a relationship minus sex in no way means the absence of love, so stop jumping to conclusions. We delve deeper into this ever-increasing urban syndrome.


Get serious


To make a relationship work is a job in itself, and if you've been missing that spark, it's no cakewalk at all. If ignored, the problem can lead to a split, two-timing and even domestic violence. So, don't take it lightly. It's important that you identify it on time and repair the damage asap. "The entire experience could be traumatic.


Couples suffering from it must take counselling, because with time, it becomes too acute to be handled," says Dr Anup Dhiris, sexologist and andrologist. "Sex should be about bonding, not binding. Having said that, it's very important that you realise the importance of a climax. A good sex life is one of the signs of a healthy relationship," says sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari, reiterating the importance of passion play.


Kyun ho gaya?


Time changes, and so do priorities. You may be at a stage in life when you're too busy raising children, finishing assets, attending to household chores, your job or family matters, and there's no time, thought or energy for real-life erotica anymore. Further, emotional and economic woes, work pressure and childbirth can result in the absence of sexual desire. If one of you is having an affair, there is clearly a love issue. Even ego hassles could create the dent.  "Apart from psychological reason, the explanation also lies in biological domains like erection problems and vaginal pain during penetration," adds Dr Anup.


Re-roll the ball


There is nothing wrong in initiating the first step, even if you're the one to be blamed or the one who isn't getting any sex. So, talk it out first.  Secondly, get up, close and personal  while your partner is cooking, dusting or watching movies. Fire up those fetishes and kinks; bring her chocolate paint and edible lingerie to show you're interested. Zip off to a nearby hill station; kids can stay with their grannies, and the laptop with the IT department for upgradation. Keep in mind that the causes are varied, and so are the cures. Pick what suits you. If it's hormonal, consult a doctor or if it's psychological, visit a shrink. And if you think you can fix it yourself, nothing like it.


Keep away from...


libido enhancing drugs, they're of no good use. Don't consult someone who hasn't gone through it. Also, don't expect an overnight orgy all good things take time. Also, don't hold back from flirting a li'l it often work wonders.



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