In modern marriages dooriyan equals to closeness

By  , Midday
Oct 31, 2009

After 12 years of marital bliss, Hollywood couple Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew BrodericK, have decided to live in 2 different suburbs. FYI finds out whether distance can actually save a shaadi


There's an adage that absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it rekindles the great.


The same theory applies to any strong marriage. So, as work opportunities and familial concerns hold you back from living with the one you took those sacred vows with, it's time to develop a clear perspective of whether distance can actually dampen marital bliss. Hollywood's favourite couple, Sarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick, for instance, have decided to live in separate properties after 12 long years of marriage.


Sarah wants to raise their three children in Brooklyn, while Matthew wants to stay in Manhattan for work reasons. FYI delves deep into the matter to find out whether distance really makes the heart go fonder, or makes the best of men and women falter.


Married for 12 years with 3 kids, Hollywood actors Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have decided to set up homes in different properties. While Matthew's Broadway assignments require him to stay put in Manhattan, Sarah and kids will move to Brooklyn. The Sex and the City actress is determined to raise her twins — who were born using a surrogate mother away from the hustle and bustle of the big city. pic/Getty Images


Case study: They run up huge phone bills to keep passion alive
Who: Model Dipannita Sharma and hubby Dilsher Singh Atwal


Model-turned-actress Dipannita Sharma and Delhi-based hotelier Dilsher Singh Atwal tied the knot last year. Dipannita's modelling assignments keep her in Mumbai, while Dilsher shuttles between Delhi and West Bengal. "In a month, we end up spending a fortnight away from each other. But I believe that this separation is a boon in disguise. That's because we miss each other so badly, we can't help but make the most of the time we spend together. We run up exorbitant phone bills," smiles Dipannita.


Distance makes the heart grow fonder, say urban couples


Deepshikha Dalal, Homemaker


My husband Amit is in the Merchant Navy, which makes him stay away from home for long intervals. But I strongly believe that being away from your beloved gives you the power to stand alone with confidence. In fact, separation is a catalyst which boosts your love all the more.


Vikram Manga, Fitness Trainer


Due to some Visa problems, my wife Nisha lives in the UK, while I live in India. It is extremely hard to be in a long distance marriage, but to compensate for our physical presence, we constantly chat on phone and over the Internet. It is the complete faith I have in my partner that gives me the courage to battle this phase.


Pratap Singh, Lead QA, AdaptiveMobile


One should always grab the slightest opportunity to meet your partner. Once, within a span of five days, I travelled from Hyderabad to meet my wife in Delhi thrice. No matter what, nothing can replicate the physical presence of your spouse. Marriage is more important than money.


Rohit Roy, Actor


More than the quantity of time, it is the quality of time that counts the most. There is no doubt that I miss my family when I am on a long outdoor shoot which sometimes stretches to two months. I can't deny, though, that the distance helps in giving the required space to your partner, and keeps the spark alive.


Make sure you meet once in six months


Dr Kamal Khurana, Marriage and Relationship therapist, feels that long-distance marriages can work, provided due priority and time is given. Here are some tips:

  • There is no doubt that physical distance makes any marriage challenging. The couple should make sure that the period of absence is never more than six months at a stretch.
  • Trust and commitment are also indispensable for a blissful marital bond. 
  • There is no denying that the physical presence of one's spouse cannot be substituted by anything else, and he/she should continue to give emotional support to the other. For this, communication is very vital, be it through letters, email or instant messages.
  • Communication should not be limited to your daily chores. One should share his/her expectations, fears
  • and happiness.
  • Under no circumstances, should you let insecurity seep in.
  • The problem multiplies manifold if the couple has kids. Rearing kids is a tough task, which requires the participation of both the partners. Generally, the spouse who takes care of the kids complains to the other for not spending time with the children, which creates tension.

The couple should address such issues with a calm mind and patience.


What about physical intimacy?


There is no doubt that physical intimacy plays an important role in any marriage, and the biggest challenge is to fight physical absence. We spoke to Dr Prakash Kothari, Sexologist and Advisor, World Association for Sexual Health, to share his thoughts.


"The impact of the period of absence depends from couple to couple. It can strengthen or weaken bonds, depending on how you deal with it. One should keep in mind that marriage is all about bonding and not binding, and once you are away, the intimacy can be kept alive by fantasising about your partner. It is also very important that one should be guilt-free from self sexual-satisfaction. One should communicate to his/her partner. Sharing intimacy even in a long-distance relationship can keep the passion alive, and it can be done through phone or virtual sex. This one may be better for younger couples; nevertheless, it can really make that all-important difference between a boring night and an exciting one."



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