You might have stopped living with your partner as it cannot go on anymore, but there are some things that you shared as a couple that cling on. You become used to being around your partner and really hoped that the good times could last. Not to be! It becomes especially troublesome if you have kids who want to see the two of you together, especially on special occasions such as birthdays, weddings, graduations, holidays or any other. This does not end after they are grown up.
The first year after breakup
It is especially difficult to deal with the situation the first year after break up. Time does heal but the pangs of separation really hurt and you are beset with loneliness, guilt, doubts and apprehensions of the future. It becomes a test of character for divorcees or partners after a break up. Moving on may be a little easier if you did not have kids, but even if you had, it is not impossible.
Small kids are left to wonder why things are different in the first holidays. You are advised to endure the emotional pangs for the sake of your kids, and stay together even for a short while. Limit or shun alcohol as it can make you unwind all the pent up emotions.
However, bear in mind that you do not have to create a scene in front of your kids. If being together is going to bring out the worst in both of you, it is avoidable. It will not only spoil the day for your kids but can create an emotional trauma they can do without.
After the difficult phase of the first year is past, you can find new ways of celebrating special occasions. Since the emotions such as anger, resentment, guilt, are not as troubling as they used to be, you would be in a better frame of mind to decide about the future course of actions.
It might be worth a try to look upon your ex as a co-worker and behave accordingly. A business worker is someone you do not get emotional with, but still pursue an amicable relationship. Do not avoid the pleasantries such as saying hello, as you can always move to the other side of the room or start talking to someone else.
The most important aspect of living through after a break up is to maintain your composure. You should be able to accept him or her even if with their new partner. Make them wonder as to what is making you so composed, or get him annoyed if he or she is not left with any emotions for you. Time is the best healer and you should recall all those bad events which you have gotten over in the past. Have faith that this is one of those phases in your life.
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