Reasons We Fall for Narcissists

By:Ariba Khaliq, Onlymyhealth Editorial Team,Date:Sep 01, 2014

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Many people are unlucky enough to fall for a narcissist in their lives. If you are one of them, appreciate the fact that you have lots of company and find solace in reasons why you couldn’t spot the narcissist and bail yourself out.
  • 1

    Who is a Narcissist?

    You must have encountered a narcissist in your life and may not have realised so; like a friend who somehow brings about every topic of conversation to themselves; or a colleague who is always boasting about their new and greatest “everything”; or a romantic partner who thinks they are hotter, smarter and generally better than you at everything. But, a narcissist may not always show signs as obvious as the media would want you to believe. There may be a narcissist who doesn’t possess full-blown signs of a narcissistic personality disorder. It is then that it becomes difficult to identify the spots of the leopard.

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  • 2

    Relationship with a Narcissist

    A romantic run-in with a narcissist is a common thing; most of us have been through it or are recovering from it. It doesn’t matter if you were in a short or long-term relationship, once it ends and you are pondering over it, you will find yourself asking the question, “How did I miss all the warning signs?”. The truth is that most of the times, the cold-hearted manipulator, and often a cheater, makes you so vulnerable with their charms that you can’t really avoid the encounter. P.S. - All you ladies should be reading this post with utmost attention because on an average, men are more narcissistic than women.

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  • 3

    Seductive Techniques of a Narcissist

    If you are wondering why it is so easy to be seduced by a narcissist, well, it seems that at the start of things, they are extremely attractive and engaging. They can be very, very, and we can’t stress enough, highly skilled at manipulation. Research on how narcissist control their relationships helps us understand why we really fall for a narcissist. Perhaps you wouldn’t blame yourself for the unfortunate recounting.

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  • 4

    A Narcissist Quality is Their Initial Charm

    Remember how you were told to not judge a book by its cover? This lesson applies here because a narcissist would ooze out self-confidence and will do whatever they can for you to like them. This is their first strike and is often super powerful because it is filled with self-representation. They validate themselves, focus on presentation including their clothes, grooming, and accessories. This has been confirmed by studies; a study of 72 college freshmen found that narcissist were considered the most appealing and charming. A video of the self-presented volunteers was shown to another group during a second experiment and once again, the narcissist scored big on popularity.

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  • 5

    Boldness is a Narcissist’s Greatest Sex Appeal

    Michael Durfner, along with his colleagues found through a series of experiments that the more narcissist a (study volunteer) man was, the more contacts he made and the more appealing he seemed to women (strangers) whose phone numbers, email addresses, and other contact information they were asked to take. And though the narcissist works it out magically and the performance seems to be directed at the person they are with, it actually is self-validating. Everything is about the narcissist and the partner doesn’t really figure this out until it’s late.

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  • 6

    Playing Games is a Narcissist's Expertise

    According to studies, narcissists do need a relationship in their lives but prefer it short-term. They are inclined towards looking out for their next connection while in a relationship which makes them to cheat in their present romantic relationship. They give out mixed signals like they want to be in a relationship, but only on their own terms causing a lot of emotional damage to their partners. W. Keith Campbell and others have found through their works that game playing is a narcissist’s relationship style through which they gain control over their partner and the relationship. Plus, even the wisest of wise people can’t help falling for a narcissist because they target people low in self-esteem and work with their charm and charisma.

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  • 7

    A Narcissist is Great in Bed

    Narcissists usually lack empathy for their partners but they make up for it through their great moves in bed. The emotional confusion in a relationship by a narcissist is equalled by their seductive powers than their likeness for sex. According to the work of James K. McNulty and Laura Widman, who looked specifically at how narcissism functions in the sexual domain, they write, “Having a quality sexual relationship is an integral part of having a quality romantic relationship.” These authors did a second study and found that sexual and not general narcissism predicts infidelity. They found that a sense of sexual entitlement, pride in sexual skills, and a lack of sexual empathy for the partner were connected to infidelity.

    Image Courtesy: Getty

  • 8

    A Narcissist Doesn’t Believe in “Forgive and Forget”

    Another reason for a relationship to be rocky when it’s with a narcissist- conflict resolution is almost impossible with narcissists. They are easily offended and always doubtful about forgiveness. The benefit of forgiving and forgetting doesn’t suit their character and they can hold grudge forever. But, the brighter side of this trait is that it may work as the danger siren for people who have fallen or are falling for a narcissist. You know what you got to do: run like crazy!

    Image Courtesy: Getty

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